Deep Cries Out
Music by Bart Libby
Deep Cries Out (to Deep) refers to Psalm 42. The writer is struggling with sadness and loss. He reminds himself of his times of deep fellowship with the Lord, times of great joy and thanksgiving, intimate worship, great times of communion and faith. Yet, they all now seem distant as he feels lost, forgotten, and mourning.
In many ways, our initial experience with disability was much like the psalmist’s description. Our only child came into our lives after 17 years of marriage. Nancy was pregnant for the first time! God had answered our many years of prayer. Our friends and family rejoiced with us as we awaited our son’s birth. Because of our age, our church family lovingly referred to us as Abraham and Sarah. All celebrated the miracle that God had performed. We had no indication that there was anything amiss in the pregnancy. When Evan was 5 months old, Nancy began to suspect his development was not what it should be. This began our long excursion with seemingly endless doctor visits, testings, various diagnosis, therapies, specialists, state agencies, and school authorities.
Everything seemed a struggle. Doing the simple things of life was no longer a simple act. The time my son’s needs required came out of any time we had for ourselves or each other. Our friends didn’t know what to do or how to help us, and neither did we. We were numb, isolated, and lonely. Our lives were no longer ours. We loved Evan deeply and knew he was no accident. We were going to do everything possible to help him but the journey was turning us inside out.
Our faith was the only thing that kept us going, even though we had no idea what God was doing. We stood on His word, quoted it to each other, recounted His promises, even though nothing provided comfort. Our spirits were groaning, crying out for rescue from deep within. We understood Job when he said, "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him” (Job 13:15). We had no answers. We only knew that the Lord was the only one who had the words of life (John 6:68) that we desperately needed when we felt none in us. We were seeing through a glass very, very darkly (1Cor. 13:12). As the Psalmist wrote, we felt forgotten.
Looking back, we see God had not abandoned us. He was with us all along. When we had no strength, He did. He carried us through those difficult years. They were real. This melody recounts that period of time. And, as the dark days of Joseph were followed by blessing, so have those days been replaced by rich blessing in who God has made our son to be and who we are because of it.